CPR – Cry, Proceed, React: a new social order when someone dies

The development of Social Media has really gone side-by-side with my life just like my cat who yesterday passed from old age and a failing heart. As with her, that which we may call social media entered my life one day and placed me in a nurturing position ever since (not that it hasn’t given me some joy in return). I couldn’t not care about it. Social media interacted with me, as I did with my cat, and that was OK. I’d miss it if I went without it for too long; kept checking on it, still do. You could that say it grew on me! And because it was relatively new like me cat was once too, who knew, it might have left me—just like the cat-door was always open for my cat to disappear on me at any time. And as with the never-ending updates in the world of social, as well as with the stock market going up and down as I’ll mention a bit further down… one adjusts their expectations along the way, right!?

Luckily, she didn’t go until she went and died. And I feel kind of as though she is the first “project” I ever truly completed; because I took her in from the street, tried to find out where she’d come from, then registered her as belonging to my family, cared for her, and most importantly; I never, ever, quit her. Her kidneys getting worse two years ago didn’t stop me from believing that she could get better – and she did! When finally her heart started giving up on her the other week (and she must have got to an age equivalent of some 100 human years), I thought; “She is the captain of that ship… I’ll just let her take command of its anchor now; I think she’s had a good tour.”—something like that.

Two months ago, Instagram began letting its users share up to ten photos or videos in one post, instead of just the one (Instagram Blog, 2017). I didn’t feel like sharing memories of my cat on there now in March. Neither to straight-up give a chance for the general public to comment on it, nor to exploit her last testimony of existence into some test of a new function to that app. Had she gone a little over two years back, when she got the kidney problems, there still would have been only room for square-shaped memories, as well; create your own collage inside that, or nothing (Instagram Blog, 2015). However, in the end I decided to put a collage up on my Facebook wall. I first put it together in a photo-editing app (note: there is still a choice of being offline and ‘anonymous’—as I perceive it—in the experimentation with this) on my phone (I have a feeling we’ll do everything for an audience soon). And soon after I got incoming teary-eyed emoji reactions from people I know from around the world. One of my class-mates—with whom I was studying for a poster-presentation at the time—was sitting next to me as some of these reactions reached me, as I said to her; “You know, had my cat died a few years back, the only reactions I would’ve got might have been likes. This really is more suitable.”

Today, my other friend in class asked me in person if my cat had died after having seen my Facebook post from yesterday. She smiled. “Um, why are you smiling?”, I said, “…yeah, she did.”, I went on. So my friend in class replied that she cares for others when their pets die; feels empathic. And it struck me that having seen all those emojis on the day before made me nearly forget what real human response may look like, although at first I had thought that those emoji-reactions were closer to reality than ever (I suppose that goes for cyber-space in 2017).

Friday, 31 March 2017:

“Digital immigrants”. A description of adults who don’t fully get the online slang and smileys. Great (Lindqvist & Thorslund, 2011, p. 35). 

bureau_creative 

Leading up to yesterday, mom had actually tried calling me to let me know that the cat was taken ill. I didn’t hear it because I was showering, or something. She emailed me the whole story about what was happening, CC’d my brothers. Then finally sent a picture of my cat on WhatsApp, and that’s when I noticed, texted her back and said; “Everything OK with her?”, “Actually, no. I emailed you…”, mom replied back. 

It was late, I opened my email by switching apps really quick. I chose to voice-message my boyfriend and attempt to hold back my tears there, instead of calling my mom back at this point. I knew that calling her would just lead to an extended sob. I had a “career day” to attend the next morning. If I could avoid puffy-eyes, I would. Mom and I then sent each other heart-emojis and our conversation came similar to what one would utter at a funeral for a good friend (these days when words still are able to co-exist with visual reactions in shape of emojis). And before I went to sleep I asked her to text me the next day, after it would be all over for my cat. I still haven’t talked to mom over the phone about this. The cat-funeral was supposedly late yesterday. Yet I know more than I ever knew from when my first cat passed, before I had ever owned smartphones, computers, or some robot dog; or whatever the kids get these days. My boyfriend sent me a couple reassuring voice-messages back from the New York subway on his way to an event. “Everything is going to be OK; you’re family is going to be OK, you are going to be OK…”, he kindly assured me, and to my relief I could go to sleep pretty efficiently despite all.

What we have these days is also “networked grieving”; in which funeral services now intersect with social media, and can help people express their grief online as well as plan it (Nansen et al., 2017).

Come to think of it, mom had said that she’d actually read online that the symptoms my cat had had signaled heart-failure, and I’d believed her. So had the veterinarian that later checked my cat before her passing (hopefully she used some techy-tool more than, like, Apple’s own Health app). But mom and I both put a lot of trust into Google. Perhaps more so me, because I’ve “known it” longer!? I’ve seen doctors Google symptoms when I was in a New York hospital with the flu once, so why shouldn’t the stuff on there be at least somewhat relevant!? My boyfriend also said he was going to a viewing the other week. I thought since he was searching to find a new apartment that he was going to an apartment viewing. I recorded him a chipper voice-message the next day; “Hey, hope your viewing went awesome, let me know!” He replied that he couldn’t go in the end but that he’d forwarded his condolences. Only then did I turn to Google and realize my mistake… this was a death-related viewing that we were talking about.

Friday, 31 March 2017:

“Lindqvist & Thorslund (2011, p. 18) discuss turning into the person you make out to be online as a risk, but what about making it a career?”

bureau_creative

I can’t promise you that the person who is writing this will be the same person in two years from now when I graduate from university, but do I even want to be? I like this inquisitive mind of mine, and I’m going to keep feeding it with social media, as social is going to be fed by me and what some people might call my “content” (a.k.a. my life?) right here and now, and continuously so.

Acting taught me to take things really personally on stage, and simultaneously be more thick-skinned for the business-side of the job and industry. I suppose that’s also how I see the internet. Maybe just that I’m splitting my personality over different channels, like one should invest in Index funds and things, according to Tom Robbin’s new book “Unshakeable” (Robbins, 2017), and not be investing all into one single bet for the future. Simultaneously, as with the stock market, I’m investing my personality, my time, or my money (as in studying for this line of profession or related), with the knowledge that what I perceive as being private or anonymous might be the complete opposite; and that there will be a “bear market”. Meaning, things will go south at some point – but I just choose to prepare for those times and come out alive, instead of hiding from it all and actually losing with a perception perhaps of being “safe” and steady when that’s not really the case. Robbins mentions in his book that being outside of the market is your biggest loss. Being out of the social media game creates the same loss in my opinion, we just may not have the same expert advice on it yet to say that it is indeed a game that needs to be played, and someone to pin-point the advantages for each and every individual.

That’s when a film director yells; “Take a risk, do something—anything—but make a strong choice and stand by it!” And that is at least what I intend to do continuing forward with social media—basically; say hello to my “new kitty”!

Ruth Sundell

References

Instagram Blog. (2017). Share Up to 10 Photos and Videos in One Post. [Online] Available: http://blog.instagram.com/post/157572774352/170222-multiple [2017-04-03].

Instagram Blog. (2015). Thinking Outside the Square: Support for Landscape and Portrait Formats on Instagram. [Online] Available: http://blog.instagram.com/post/127722429412/150827-portrait-and-landscape [2017-04-03].

Lindqvist, J. & Thorslund, E. (2011). Ungas integritet på nätet. 5th ed. [Online] Ödeshög: DanagårdsLiTHO, pp. 1-90. Available: https://www.iis.se/docs/Ungas_integritet_Ver2_webb.pdf [2017-04-04].

Nansen, B., Kohn, T., Arnold, M., van Ryn, L. and Gibbs, M. (2017). Social Media in the Funeral Industry: On the Digitization of Grief. Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, 61(1), pp.73-89.

Robbins, T. (2017). Unshakeable. 1st ed. London: Simon & Schuster UK Ltd.

Pilates progress – February

⭐️⭐️⭐️Current form.⭐️⭐️⭐️ Post 1 hour Pilates.

Hey so I figure I may as well post my progress on here to keep better track and motivate myself to keep improving, what do you think!?

Maybe I can inspire someone else in the making. We all need workout buddies! Currently my workout buddy is a flat-coated retriever but I only walk her every now and then so in between that I find other ways to motivate myself. Sometimes it’s even a show on HBO that’s very action-filled or so, that I just think: “Ah, I want to be an actor in action movies.” Or sometimes I use “Man, I was in the army last year around this time, where I could do all this training and 10 x more of it, without sleep so get on with it!” – I’m really glad I’m studying at university right now though, because here in Sweden at least I can ride my bike to university even in winter it seems (or spring as it would be now), and yet sleep in on most days as I want… and also eat really well as I’m able to be near to my apartment and also go home for lunch even in “shorter” 1 hour lunch-breaks… on the occasional longer day.

Sometimes I simply think of any scene with the Absolutely Fabulous girlies… “DARRRRRLING…” Don’t want to end up fat n’ alone, do we… I’m in a happy relationship. But one should never get lazy. Simple as that.

5×1 hour workouts this month and a few smaller ones in between…

In the 1 hour ones includes Pilates at home in front of YouTube training videos (max level-sometimes I add a bit of weight) outdoor biking (up/downhill), weight-training at home… just a few pounds for that lean figure, taking the steps to my apartment and kind of doing side lunges while I’m at it… also walking and running with a puppy, etc! 🙂 creative, nothing too sweaty! But with heartbeat and heavier breath at some point. I find that it has improved my posture and also energy in studying. I remember dance classes in New York, Manhattan, as well as Pilates classes on Saturdays in Brooklyn that I used to take. I love it.

Will keep this up and those abs will be more clear for summer I am sure, and *bubble butt* back on point ☺️

That’s it people, no gym, lots of protein shakes with unsweetened soy and either banana/strawberry and maybe a little bit of peanut butter as lunch or dinner (or both) and then whatever food basically but very little sugar… (quite a lot of fat… yoghurt coated cashew nuts and yoghurt coated pineapple bits are my favorites).

 

Shortcut to my Instagram 

-Bebe

Economy highlights

Hey, sorry it’s been a while, I’m having way too much fun in life rn, kidding – can’t have it too good. Anyway, I’m reading this book for a class which had a section in it I thought I’d straight out translate into English with my best ability and cite for you all – because it is pretty neat. And it’s a bit from Dariush Arai’s book ‘Introduction to Cognitive Psychology’ 2001, page 168…

Richard Thaler (1985) suggested some guidelines for enjoying your $$$$$$$$$$$$ winnings and not getting down too much about your losses. 

And this is what Arai (2001) described those tips/guidelines to be (roughly translated into English):

1. If you have several income sources, keep them separate. Several small winnings create bigger happiness than one big win.

2. If you have several expenses, combine them into one if possible. Several small losses are more painful than one separate big *expense post*. 

3. If you have greater earnings than expenses, combine them so that the result become a positive net win (and view your expenses as operating costs).

4. If you have greater expenses than earnings, keep these separate from each other so that you can keep some *point of light* to be grateful for.

How true aren’t they? Also sort of read in the book that if monetary winnings and losses where displayed on a scale and a curve like, the losses part of the curve would look much steeper than the winnings in accordance with how we experience it. Does that make sense?! So, if you ever felt shitty about dropping $20 and not as excited about earning the same amount then, I mean; now you know why like!

Best,

Bebe

Crime victim support staff needed

Hey, it’s been a while. Didn’t forget you! I’m finishing off a UX-design course right now, learning some cool things and am to spruce up this site a bit – make it into my online portfolio, with the blog as well. I soon have to get back to creating more wireframes in Balsamiq. And I booked a much longed-for trip to New York in the new year! Much excited about that!

I was reading an article on stuff to do if you’re alone on the holidays (or at least on xmas day). It seems the train tickets are a mess around this time of the year… expensive, and 4-5 changes instead of 1 (train to bus changes that are normally just train), and I have a class in coding over the holidays as well that I need to finish another portfolio for before I fly out.

So, one of the first thing on the list of to-dos that one could do when alone was to volunteer, the article let me know. I thought, hey that’s a great idea – I’ve volunteered before, it’s badass and good for people so why not, I can do that. However, I don’t believe in the “lord”, you know, more like; hard work, motivational strategies, whatever-works-for-yous-all, and the law of attraction!? So, it doesn’t really make sense to me to be participating in a church ceremony and serve food… the “advertisement” said nothing about homeless people, immigrants, or veterans, which may have convinced me more? If you’re in Sweden and want to check for volunteer events yourselves, here is a page I found that posts a lot of volunteer work, incl. what I just mentioned: Volontärbyrån  – you can search by city or anything like. I have volunteer worked at SPCA in Tel Aviv before, and I know for a fact that there is a kitty shelter on the upper east side in New York so definitely check that out. I believe ASPCA of NYC need their volunteers to come in pretty regularly as well (or perhaps just with dog walkers) but I’d encourage you to read up on it.  In Tel Aviv, I helped bring in a malnourished kitty that my friend had found alone and lost on the street – brought it across town in a cardboard box with holes via bus. If you had access to a car there you could help in more “advanced” rescue missions as well, maybe that goes for NYC, too, I’m not sure?

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Well, also I did watch Before The Flood and I’ve had more vegetarian food of late. But when I have time I shall make American Pancakes… I did buy some eggs and milk the other day. Most of my food have been organic of late as well. Dunno, environment has been increasingly on my mind. But it’s caused me to think more now that I’m aware. For example, I thought I’d buy tofu ice cream and I leaned into the “ice cream” ice  box in the store to grab the one I’ve seen so many times when I was younger at kids’ parties where someone was lactose-intolerant… the TofuLine one like. Has an octagon shape, black color like UFC-inspired perhaps. Love the UFC, so it felt cool, right!? Well – PALM OIL. Dammit. What’s better now? Locally produced ice-cream, or who-knows-wherefrom-derived vegan/vegetarian brand incl. palm-oil?

To my point with this post however, I found something in my style in regards to volunteer work… only it wouldn’t do it for just the holidays, I’d have to commit for a longer time. But that may just be what I want to do for this next year… this ! (It’s a crime victim support service) You learn some stuff… call people, help ’em in court… I think it’s awesome. But there’s a lower limit to your monthly involvement. I think something like 6-8 hours, 3 cases (supports) like? Either way, I was in the military and studied some crime stuff and it struck me that there sure is a lack of bravery and lack of staff for these kinda professions. I mean bravery and knowledge about such as what you’re allowed to do when someone attacks you and tries to steal your laptop or something. Can you hit them back? For instance, I learned that if I saw someone do that to you (military or not) I could step in and help ya – with some force, too (matching the level of the criminal) – it’s called “Hjälparens rätt” in Sweden. *Helper’s rights* or something.

How many people knew that? Or what if someone starts a fight in a club or at a bar and goes ballistic, starting to punch on an innocent… it shouldn’t be so that people don’t dare to step in to stop it just because they don’t want to get involved in court later (perhaps they’d think they might be mixed up as being the perpetrator). That’s why I think crime victims should always have someone to talk to and teach them about their rights, and let them know how they may stand up for themselves – at least later on if they couldn’t do it earlier because either they didn’t know of their rights or they were simply outed by the criminal. A lot of people are needed for this I read. I’m considering it. Also because I think it would be a life-experience, and I like law – I noticed however that it takes many years of studying which is costly even in Sweden, and furthermore that it’s bound by country (since national laws differ from place to place)… if I had the money and was born in America I may have at least become a paralegal though. I saw a great award-winning short film last year that I found out about through the course I was taking in Digital Movie Making at the time. It was fantastic! You can read about it on IndieWire. The Phone Call.

Also here is a trailer for it:

Will you be a volunteer this holiday season? Or are you a regular volunteer at some place?

Let me know in the comments below, or tweet me!

Take care, and wherever you are, whoever with – happy holidays

-Bebe 

Movement and motivation

Hey everyone,

Hope you are well! I wanted to check in with you and share some news. I finished my book about learning and digital yesterday, it’s called 11:11. I will try to publish it here on the blog for you all to see very soon! But first off, let me say I’ve had this beautiful time of learning today.

I started off with some yoga at home, and then I went onto doing some pushups, working my back muscles with some weights, etc. and started listening to a complete Feldenkrais lesson on YouTube at the same time! Feldenkrais was a physicist! I really liked the introductory  talk about him. Very motivational. Much worth it! 🙂

I just realized something massive when I followed this whole video and did the lesson! If the brain only wants to adjust to where it sees “possibility” in terms of movement as I both heard from the teacher and was able to feel for myself here, then maybe the thoughts work similarly? And perhaps that’s why the Law of Attraction (The Secret) and similar methods (The Silva Method) work; because you truly imagine possibility! And also while show jumping, you’re supposed to look at the next obstacle already while you’re flying over one… maybe that’s just a way to put our attention on the next thing so that our body moves with us and the horse can feel it and so it, too, turns easier as a result… rather than that we can “think ahead”. Wow. Because in horsemanship you practice a lot of small movements as well – working with the movement of the horse instead of against it or trying to be the one who decides over it.

I’m going to work on my script now. Shooting next week. But I felt I should share this experience. I was sitting down and looking over to my left shoulder… well, barely! I was barely looking past my left shoulder to begin. Whereas the end of this lesson I was able to look past the point of right behind me. The brain is magnificent! Really.

Also I tried this TheraPearl eye mask, putting it on for 20 minutes before I got to sleep. And so I’ll listen to The Silva Method (the long relaxation exercise) while I keep the mask on… kind of drift off to sleep for a bit, wake up by an alarm I’ve set for 20 min., take the mask off and just put it by my side on a table without leaving bed… and then drift fully into sleep! Next morning I have almost no dark circles under my eyes, not much puffiness… and I feel lovely!:) Tomorrow I’m getting a haircut and I’m going to have a wonderful weekend myself, I wish the same for you… and may all your wishes come true!

-Bebe